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LETTING GO OF YOUR EMOTIONAL PAIN IS NOT ALWAYS EASY, BUT IT IS POSSIBLE!
We’ve all heard the saying, “We are only human.”
In this context, the word [human] might as well be a synonym for the word [limited], because when people say “i’m only human” they’re implying their own limitations.
Due to these limitations, people inevitably are going to make bad and selfish decisions in life that hurt other people. But, you know what they say, “time heals all wounds”… but does it?
Although time is a factor, it’s not the passing time that heals our wounds. Actually, it’s one’s ability to process and release emotional pain that brings true healing.
Whether you let go or hold onto your emotional pain, is your choice. Having said that, this post will show you why letting go of your emotional pain is the right choice.
Living in Emotional Pain
No one wants to live their lives in any sort of pain. So why do so many people refuse to let go of the emotional pain in their lives? There are a multitude of reasons. Whether they’re…
- Attempting to learn from their pain
- Keeping someone’s memory alive
- Unable to let go of their guilt (forgive themselves)
- Unable to let go of resentment (forgive another)
- Incapable of recognizing that they have emotional pain (low self-awareness)
- Unable to understand and process their emotional pain
Whatever the reason, if your CHOOSING to carry your wounds through life, your either doing one of two things…
1. You’ve chosen to bury your wounds and have become unaware of your emotional pain.
Most likely you’ve decided your wound was too painful to deal with and ignored it. However, over time those wounds become calloused sore spots of emotional sensitivity inside of you. Having gone unrecognized and therefore un-dealt with, the emotional wound lies dormant. Awaiting the day it gets called to the surface to manifest itself into a cluster of negative and harmful emotions.
OR
2. You recognize your pain fully and are recommitting yourself to that pain.
You recommit to your pain by reliving it over and over again in your head. When you become conscious of this, you begin to see you are the one keeping it alive because of your unwillingness to let go of it. You’ve attached yourself to your pain. It may have become part of your life; part of your mentality. You may have grown used to it, to the point you can’t imagine your life without the wounds being there. It’s like your own little “pain pet” you choose to carry around.
Letting Go of the Pain Means Letting Go of the Blame
Another way people tend to hold onto their pain is by placing the blame for their suffering on others. People blame their government, their peers, their family, strangers, but rarely do people ever blame themselves for the pain they carry. Even if someone has committed a crime against us or has abused us in some way, it is still our responsibility to heal from that.
This may seem unfair and maybe it is. No one promised life would be fair. But think about it, no other person can heal our emotions for us. They can only help us in the process of healing ourselves. Therefore we’re still the ones who are held accountable for our own emotional health and development.
If we keep blame, we keep the pain
Trust me, I get it. If someone hurt you then it’s their fault you got hurt. Therefore we blame them by making statements to ourselves like, “well they did this so I deserve to feel like this.” However, by continuing to blame someone else for what they did to us, we continue to resubmit ourselves to the pain they’ve caused us. Blaming is part of having a victim mentality. This way of thinking only leads to emotional stagnation. By the way, if you call yourself an adult, blaming others and making excuses is no longer acceptable. In fact, blaming someone else for your problems will only stunt your process of emotional maturity.
Do not focus on the things that will hold you back. Focus on the things that will help you move forward.
Shifting the blame for our own suffering onto anyone other than ourself is only an excuse to be avoid the responsibility of changing something about ourselves.
When you let go of the pain attached to negative events, you automatically give yourself the opportunity to reconstruct your worldview. This process strengthens your mental and emotional resilience. Now your mentality and emotions have a chance to flourish into something beautiful rather than being weighed down by the inevitable challenges of life.
BTW… They’re called wounds for a reason. They hurt us!
Types of Wounds
Emotional wounds and physical wounds are similar. Some are minor and heal on their own. Others are more significant and although they may heal on their own, they might leave a scar. Even more-so, there are major wounds that can be life altering. Wounds that can change the way a person approaches living their life. These are the types of wounds that do not usually heal on their own. Unfortunately, these are the ones that usually stick with people because they require extra attention. All wounds are not equal, whether physical or emotional.
Factors that Determine the Extent of Emotional Damage
There are a complex amount of situations that can cause someone emotional pain. Depending on…
- who hurt you
- what they did to hurt you
- how emotionally strong you were at the time
….depends on how much emotional pain you experience and how difficult it is to get over.
The Only Way Out Is Through
Whether you have emotional trauma, a learned anxiety behavior, or built up frustration inside of you. If these negative feelings don’t get released they will only keep compounding on top of each other, getting heavier and heavier. We need to open ourselves up to allow ourselves to feel the pain we’ve been through. Instead of trying to escape the pain we need to lean into those feelings.
Escaping emotional pain VS. Letting Go of emotional pain Escaping emotional pain means you’re avoiding experiencing your pain. By avoiding these feelings you are consequently holding onto them. People escape their pain by either inducing pleasure or inflicting pain. They’re basically distracting themselves from having to deal with their discomfort. Letting go of emotional pain means allowing yourself to feel your pain. By feeling your emotions you are able to process through them and then release them. It’s uncomfortable at first but this is the path to healing. Don’t get stuck in the feeling phase though, remember you have to let go at some point.
Letting Go of Emotional Pain
Let’s face it, people are inherently vulnerable. Since we are “only human”, it’s inevitable that we’re going to get hurt by someone throughout our life. When this happens, it’s beneficial to remember one thing.
Hurt people, hurt people
You can only give what you have been given. Realize that the person who hurt you was acting out of their own emotional turmoil. That person’s behavior most likely had little to do with you and more to do with their own emotional insecurity.
How to heal from the hurt
This realization is what allows someone to develop sympathy for someone who hurt them, rather than resentment. Understand that the person was acting out of their own turmoil. This is what empowers you to let go of taking offense. It’s this perspective that battles against what would otherwise have become your own self-centered, victim mentality overcome by destructive emotions. Having this type of awareness helps you exercise self control in situations that might have otherwise gotten out of control.
To clarify, this isn’t an excuse for malicious behavior. We don’t have to condone the offense. However, let’s realize that a person’s negligent or hurtful behavior towards us has nothing to do with us. It is then that we can move into the realm of being able to emotionally detach from the negativity caused by that person.
Reaching this level of emotional maturity allows the idea of forgiveness to become visible and frankly even appealing.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetfulness, but it does mean letting go of negative emotions you’re holding. Remember, FORGIVENESS IS FOR YOU and no one else. Forgiving someone for their actions RELEASES YOU from a prison of anger, rage, fear, anxiety, depression, aggravation, low self-esteem, disappointment, resentment, etc.
*Sidenote*
*An Inspirational Conclusion
I want to end this post on an inspiring note. I want to recognize the fact that the counsel offered in this post is not easy. But I also want us recognize that often time in life, making the right choice means making the hard choice. I want us to challenge ourselves to grow and to become more mature individuals emotionally. So in case you still need some encouragement to make hard choice. In case you’re still not sure how to move into the unknown space of letting emotional pain go. Let’s put things into context.
*Always Believe You’re Capable and Things Become Possible.
Consider the fact that there are people in this world who were given a multitude of advantages yet achieved very little. At the same time, there are people who faced a multitude of disadvantages and achieved a great amount. Some people have given themselves over to their excuses in life and therefore struggle in life. Meanwhile, there are people who’ve chosen to discard their excuses and therefore thrive in life. The only difference between these people are the choices they made because of what they believed about themselves. Anything is possible!
